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Well its finally Friday, definantly a very nice thing. I'm so tired this week and I'm really not sure why, and naturally I wont get a whole lot of rest this weekend either so it doesnt look like next week will be a whole lot better.
I feel alot better than I did in the last entry. I guess I was just having one of those emotional days where everything seemed to be so overwhelming. I talked to a friend of mine and she gave me some advice that kind of helped me put it in perspective. So I thought about it all and made a few decisions. I'll move down to Lufkin this summer and go to Angelina next year. I'll sign a short 6 month lease and by the end of that my parents should be up there, so then I can evaluate it all again. See where I stand with Joe or if I want to move back home etc. This way I'll be able to stay in one school without transfering and be closer to Joe which is a definant plus. And it wont be long before my parents are there so I wont miss too much of Merak. It feels nice to finally have somewhat of a plan. Makes me feel better to think that my life is actually headed in a direction rather than just a big ball of confusion. Prom is tomarrow night which is kind of exciting, i'll post lots of pictures of that I'm sure. My grandmother is coming into town to see me, and she'll also get to meet Joe so that will be cool. Joe is hopefully coming into town tonight to spend the weekend. He's trying so hard to make up for the fact that we arent going to prom together. Its so weird to be so comfortable with him. Sometimes I feel like its a big rubber band, all the good things that happen to me pull it back just a little further and I'm just waiting on that one good thing to make it snap. But so far that hasnt happened. I've finally got someone in my life who doesnt care anything about what I look like. He has an amazing relationship with my mother and my entire family likes him. He is gentleman enough to sleep in the other room even if we are alone in the house. Not to mention that despite both of us being slightly frustrated sexually he refuses to sleep with me until its perfect and special. For the first time since I was 12 years old I'm something other than a sex object... I can remember being 12 and having my step brother tell me how gorgeous i was and trying to convince me to sleep with him. It seems like every guy I've met fakes interest in me simply so that he can sleep with me. Its nice to finally feel like I mean something to someone... Written on 2004-04-23 @ 4:54 p.m. |