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Well I'm finally back in town. Not that I mentioned to anyone on here that I was leaving town i the first place, but I figured that I'd offer up a halfass excuse for those that noticed the leave of absence.
It was a decent trip. Spent Saturday-Monday with Joe which was relatively nice. Kind of tense though... I know how worked up he has been lately, I realize that he is under a whole lot of stress and dealing with a lot of things that he hasnt had to deal with in a long time. His dad is sick, the farm is getting worse, he just started this new job, and also started the gospel quartet. And I surprisingly dont mind that in the least, but over the last week or two I've really noticed a huge difference in "us". The conversations center around his stress, and he recipricates my mushiness less and less. Now granted he usually isnt real big in the whole mush department, but he manages to give me a little bit every once in a great while, even if its just an "i miss you too" here or there. So saturday was spent at the house singing with some of my family and him acting a little standoffish, sunday was spent laying on his couch watching some awful movie not saying a word to eachother with no sound at all except his heavy sighs about once a minute. He says he doesnt want to talk about it and ends up taking me home early. So by monday I'm slightly irritated, which multiplies to pissed off after the hour and half drive to silsby where he never said one word to me. Finally on the way home he breaks down and we have one of our heart to heart talks. He explains how stressed he is etc. The whole hour long conversation really just explained that he realized he wasnt treating me the way I deserved, and that he doesnt mean to he just doesnt have the time to give me what I really need and he's just really stretched thin, and that he doesnt want to lose me at all but that he just wants me to understand that he's sorry i'm not getting what he feels i need and that he hopes that will all change soon. He really didnt say much that I didnt already know or suspect except that he asked me to stay in Longview for a while longer. He said that he knows I dont like being by myself and he doesnt want to be at work or at one of his various other commitments and worrying about me sitting at a house by myself wishing i could be with him. So he wants me to stay in town for a while with my parents until things settle down for him up there and then we can re-evaluate the decision. He told mom a bunch of other stuff during their talk but that got into some mushy waters and I dont want to bore anyone with those details. All in all I guess the talk went alright, I'm still trying to deal with it all though. Its just a little hard to go from talking on a nightly basis to feeling lucky if I talk to him once or twice a week. Just kind of feels like we've taken 3 steps back or something. I just hope that we can make it through this rocky period alright... I really dont want to lose him, but I dont want to be forever ignored either... In other news, my computer finally got fixed so I'll be able to work again. As soon as I can get all of the programs reinstalled I'll be back to playing with images again. Written on 2004-06-05 @ 12:55 a.m. |