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Why will nobody update? I have absolutely nothing to do and none of my faithful updaters are providing me with my daily entertainment.
Well today marks day 5 with no call from Joe. I'm beginning to think that he's starting to avoid me... Odd that this week of silence comes a few days before his Dallas concert. I mentioned that I really wanted to go with him and he said that it wasnt a problem. But the closer it gets with no call makes me think that maybe that wasnt really the case. Last I heard they were trying to get a church to book them Saturday night too so that they could go down that morning and spend the night in a friends guest house and then do their concert on Sunday too. If this is the case I imagine that Joe is considering the sleeping arrangment dillema which is probably why he's being so quiet. As we all know he refuses to sleep in the same room with me. Regardless of how many times he has spent the night here he's always slept in the guest bedroom. So if they spend the night saturday I would be willing to be that he's trying to figure out where i'll sleep and if there is no option other than me sleeping with him or on the couch I think that he's trying to avoid calling me and telling me that I cant go with him. (does that make any sense at all?) If he doesnt want me to go it really isnt that big of a deal. I mean sure I'd really like to be there but its not the end of the world if I cant go. I just wish that he would actually tell me that rather than just ignore me and try to avoid the situation. He'll call me tonight or tomorrow acting like nothing at all is wrong and if I mention the dallas trip he will either give it up and tell me that i cant go. Or he will offer up some lame "i'm going to rosebud" excuse. If thats the case then it will be another week before I see him at least, which will make 4 weeks since I saw him last. And he wonders why I miss him??? Sometimes I get so irritated with myself. I sit here and make excuses for him trying to justify his actions, even when i know that he's the one in the wrong. But then when I think about it I start questioning myself. I know that he cares about me and that he isnt going anywhere. So why am I getting so frustrated with him? I know what he's going through and I know how hard its all been on him, why cant I just be the supportive girlfriend that he needs rather than some nagging pain in his ass... Sometimes I miss the way it used to be bfore we started dating. I wasnt attached to anybody really. I was sleeping with bam at the time but there was an unspoken line, a common understanding that we werent commited just having sex. But of course towards the end of that whole thing I was getting pretty frustrated with that too. You can only be "just a piece of ass" for so long. Eventually that emotional attachment has to come into play. Why cant I just appreciate what I have now? a guy that isnt afraid to be seen with me in public or to let me meet all of his friends. He wont sleep with me not because he doesnt want to but because he respects me and my mother so much that his morals just wont let him do it. When we are together he's content just laying on the floor cuddling with me, not because he likes it but simply because he knows how much it means to me. Everyone has their flaws, and i know that everybody has at least a few things that they would like to see change about their partner. I guess I'm just overanalyzing everything like I normally do. Maybe I'll be better when he finally calls... Written on 2004-07-21 @ 5:02 p.m. |