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I feel like I'm the one that gets screwed in this deal. You have a great
deal going, you call only when YOU want to talk, we go out when you
have the time and want to go out. You get all the benefits of having a
serious "girlfriend" without actually having to do any of the work or
having any of the obligations that come with a serious relationship. I
on the other hand am stuck. I'm in love with you, so I cant go out on a
date with anybody else simply because thats not fair to him or me. So I
end up sitting at home hoping and wishing that you will call and want to
come over or go out or something. I cant really expect to have a lot of
friends simply because I'm not even remotely interested in the things
they are. I dont want to go out to some party and get drunk, or sleep
with a bunch of guys that I barely know... So the only benefit that I
get out of this entire arrangement is that on the nights you are too
busy for me I get a chance to catch up on all the movies that have
come out on video that I didnt get to see in theaters.
I dont see why we cant just fix what we have. I dont mind slowing down at all. You seem to think that I'm wanting and expecting you to drop down on a knee sometime tomorrow and marry me. When in reality all I really want is some kind of commitment from you, just saying that you feel for me the way that I feel for you and that your not going to leave me at the drop of a hat simply because you found someone who was cuter and more attractive... I know that everyone seems to have our lives planned out, and I'd be lying if I said that I never thought about it. But its not something that I'm asking you to give me right this second. All I want is a call every couple of days even if its only for a minute just to say hello. And maybe for you to come over a night or two even if its only for a little while to sit and unwind on the couch before you go home to bed. I'm not asking for a ring or anything else, I dont care about that. All I really wanted you to do was try and keep in touch with me a little more. I know you want to go back to just dating. But I dont know that it will work out. I'm in love with you, and not only do I not think that I can pretend like i'm not, I dont think that I should have to. So if your feelings for me have changed and gone back to something where your just interested in dating and seeing how it goes, then I can already tell you that we arent going to start out even remotely on the same page. Because you'll be trying to have a dating relationship, when really what I want is to keep what we have or get back to the serious realtionship status. So if we dont even start on the same page I dont know how its going to work... I really want to try working on what we already have established rather than throw that all away. You are the first guy I've ever felt so comfortable with, the 1st one that didnt view me as some sex object or someone just to occupy your time. I have never felt so safe or comfortable with anyone else like i did with you. You were the first man in my life that didnt royally screw me over and make me a lot of promises that you never intended to keep, and for the first time I could actually trust something. Even when I was really upset just having you there to hold me or hold my hand gave me some kind of strength and made me feel like this wasnt really the end. It took us almost 9 months to get to that, and I dont want to throw it all away and start over. And I dont even know that its possible to forget it all and act like it didnt happen. Bearing that in mind... I exchanged numbers with a really cute delivery guy today when he came to deliver the new television. I dont know what Joe's intentions are. But he seems to want to go back to an unexclusive relationship. And I refuse to sit alone in an apartment just hoping and waiting on him to call. I'm going to go out with friends and other guys if the opportunity rises, and if Joe calls and wants to go out and I'm not busy then we can go out. I really do hope that we can work this out like he says he wants to. But I refuse to move down there next week and end up being depressed all the time while he goes about his business like nothing is wrong. Written on 2004-07-28 @ 7:40 p.m. |