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I officially give up when it comes to trying to understand Joe...
First his partial weirdness last week with the whole not picking me up, and the sitting across the couch for a little while once we got back to my apartment. So I made a move and sat next to him and it broke the ice and all went perfect after that. Except the fact that he didnt kiss me, which was a little odd but liveable. Which brings us to tonight... I havent heard from him in a week but he came over to Brenda's tonight while I was there. He sat in the chair next to me in the kitchen while i ate and everyone else was watching t.v in the other rooms. He went to go home about 10:30 and I walked him out to his truck. I found out he wasnt going out to the farm this weekend so I asked if he'd come over one night this weekend to watch movies or something and so we set a date for saturday night. I gave him a hug thinking it was just going to be a quick thing and he was going to go home. Again with the slight weirdness of him not putting his arms around me until I pushed it over my shoulder. After that the ice was broken yet again and he suddenly held me very close and held my hand. It was so nice... we talked a little bit but not exactly a full blown conversation. It was mostly a lot of cuddling without saying a word for 5 or 10 minutes and then I'd make a comment about something or ask him a question about us and get an answer. But for the most part I got that 1) he still loves me and 2)he doesnt want to lose me. I got a lot of other nice tidbits out of it too but those were the two main ones. 2 1/2 hours later we finally realized what time it probably was and that he needed to go home. It was 1 a.m. and he had to get up at 4 for work, I felt kind of bad at first but when i asked if it was worth it he smiled one of his big goofy grins and said definantly worht it. He gave me a quick squeeze again before getting ready to go, I asked if he was really going to leave without kissing me and he just laughed and kissed my forehead before telling me he'd see me saturday night and leaving... I dont get it... he loves me, he doesnt want to lose me, yet we are free to see other people and I have yet to receive a real explanation for that. And tonight was the longest that he's ever stood outside and said goodbye to me, even when we were dating he'd only stand there with me for 30 minutes tops. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to understand him. Of course I cant complain or anything. I'm really happy about it. I just wish that I knew what was in the future for us. I've never felt so safe and complete the way I do when I'm with him... I just dont want to lose that, but the good thing is that he doesnt seem to want that either. I'm trying really hard to learn to just take what I can get and be happy with it and just let things go at their own pace. Written on 2004-09-10 @ 1:56 a.m. |