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Odd how when one thing seems to start looking up something else always seems to go wrong.
Joe came over on wed. night to watch a movie with me about 8:30. We've made major progress in the fact that he was willing to lay down on the couch with me instead of sitting up like we have the past few nights. But apparently with this new found comfort he has lost the niceness he once had in situations like that, and instead of laying on his side giving me the perfect amount of space to curl up next to him and cuddle, he stretched out on his back. So I made him get up and pulled out the futon so that we had some room to lay down. We watched a movie and cuddled for a while and then we turned it off and were going to fool around. But somehow it was more of getting naked and just laying there holding eachother as tight as possible and kissing thing. We ended up fooling around for a while after about 30 minutes of holding eachother, but it was damn nice... And when he went to leave I got the most confirmation I've had lately that we are finally back together. I was hugging him and told him that I was glad things are back like the were, and he just hugged me really tight and kissed my forehead before saying 'me too'. I think thats about as close to him actually admitting that we are back together as I'm going to get which is fine by me. But of course nothing can ever stay good for long... Thursday morning my mom called and told me that she was passing blood again and was probably going to have to go to the hospital that afternoon. Karen took off half a day so that I could make my 9:30 class for a test and then I left straight from school and bailed on my 11:25 english to come home with mom and take care of Merak while Karen went to a training for a few hours. Mom decided she didnt want to go to the hospital because she's afraid they will admit her. So she just stayed off her feet hoping that the bleeding will pass. In her defense she's been to the hospital for this exact thing before and they just put her on some medicine and admited her so that she would stay off her feet. So since she has some of the medicine at home we figured she could have the same treatment from the comfort of her own bedroom as opposed to having those annoying nurses coming in ever few minutes. We came back to Lufkin tonight and she seemed to be feeling a bit better. It looks like the bleeding has slowed down some, it has flared up her ulcer and she's throwing up now. Its so awful to see her go through so much. She's already had a zillion health problems and every time they seem to get one fixed its like a new one appears or one of the more dormant ones flare back up. I'm sure that she'll be alright, (although prayers would be much appreciated) but its still really hard for me to see it happen and not be able to do anything about it. She took care of me for so long and I cant return the favor for her. All we've had my entire life was eachother, even though she had roomates they were never very accepting and we had to depend on eachother to make it through it all. I cant even remotely imagine my life without her... I know it probably wont happen right now, but its still something that terrifies me. Especially when things flare up like this and I see her in so much pain and there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop it or help... Written on 2004-09-18 @ 1:46 a.m. |