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Why is it that every single time something good seems to be happening something bad comes along? am i the only person that has this pattern in my life?
Thursday was great with Joe... and I really was happy. Friday I went home for the day and was walking into the garage with the baby from the rain, and I stepped in a patch of water and fell down. I twisted so that Merak wouldnt hit the pavement, but apparently when I turned onto my side to fall he got his leg hung and twisted it a bit. So although he didnt ever hit the ground at all, he fractured his leg when I hit the ground. So now my 6 month old baby brother has an ace bandage splint covering his entire leg and its completely and utterly my fault. Saturday and Sunday was spent spending time with some family but everyone seemed upset about something or concerned with something else and everyone just seemed unhappy. And then tonight it was pretty cool, so I went over to Brenda's with my 3 smirinoff Ice's and built a bonfire with Sue and sat down to get a nice buzz. But Brenda came out there and turned into the fun-sucker that she is and started talking all about our relationships and how we were more or less going about them entirely wrong and we were going to end up losing out and being old and alone because we 'refused to play the game'. Why does everyone think that everything about relationships has to be a game? All I ever hear is that men dont want a woman thats going to sit back and treat them right and patiently wait without nagging or griping. Apparently they want some girl that wont take any shit off of anybody and will readily tell them to go screw themselves whenever they feel like they are being taken advantage of, or the ones that leave and go out somewhere else if their boyfriend/date is even a few minutes late... Why does it all have to be a game? why cant someone like you because of who you are rather than because of who your pretending to be? I'm a sucker. I know it, I admit it and I've come to terms with it. If someone needs something I will go out of my way to make sure that I do everything in my power to help. And its not just applying to men... I'm the first to get up when someone is too tired to go somewhere and get something, the first to go get someone when they drank too much and dont want to go home, and i'm the first to offer someone my couch when they dont have a place to stay. Why cant that be enough? why cant someone like me for the fact that I'm so ready to please someone? why the hell should I have to pretend like I'm some ruthless bitch that wont take any shit from anyone when thats not the way I really am at all... The most frustrating thing is that everyone has their own opinion on whats right and wrong when it comes to me relationships. Some think I should be a hard-ass and others think that the sweet approach is the best. But why the hell cant I just be myself? If Joe wants some hard-ass thats going to put him in his place on a daily basis he's barking up the wrong tree, hell he's in the wrong forest if thats what he wants... I'm just not that kind of person. And for the past year its worked out alright for me. When I talked to him about it tonight he told me that 'he liked me just the way i am' he's constantly telling me that he doesnt want me to change myself for him or anybody else for that matter. And why should I have to? if this relationship is going to work its going to be on the basis of me being myself, not trying to play games just to keep him interested in me. Written on 2004-09-27 @ 11:15 p.m. |