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Today I...
Cleaned and rearranged my apartment. Its time for a change.
Removed all the Joe memorabilia from the apartment including the scrapbook of our year and placed it in a box and put it next to his (although Joe's box was slightly bigger)
Finally put up all my christmas decorations while listening to cheesy christmas music and forcing myself to get into the spirit. (only 4 days until christmas but better late than never right?)
Burned lots of new cd's to replace the depressing "the love of my life left me in shambles" country music that has haunted my stereo the past few weeks.
Erased all of the newly aquired booty calls from my cell phone, (with the exception of one, i couldnt cut myself off completely) I realize that I'm hurt by Joe leaving, but whoring it up around town isnt going to make me feel any better about myself or the situation.
Wrapped all of my christmas presents
And bought myself some new bath beads and gels and scented candles with which to pamper myself and take a little me time.
Rented a bunch of movies and a video game so that I can occupy my time and lounge around in pajama pants and a tank top for the next few days.
I have yet to hear from Joe. Maybe he's not ready to pick back up, I'll admit that I'm probably not there yet either. But one day things will work out one way or another.
I'm trying to find myself and figure out who I am alone. I've been involved in a serious relationship of osme sort since I was 16 years old, going straight from a year with bam to Joe within a month. Now I need to figure out that I can make it on my own without having someone to hold me every night. Sitting at home moping and being depressed hasnt helped, and whoring it up at the bars, while proving to be a great distraction isnt going to do anything but hurt me in the future. I need to find the happy medium somewhere, so that I can spend a little time on myself and still go out once or twice a week to be twirled and pampered all night by tall dark handsome cowboys.
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Written on 2004-12-21 @ 7:44 p.m.
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