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Dear Joe,
Grow some balls. It irritates the crap out of me that you will call my mother making these beat around the bush remarks yet you refuse to come right out and say something. If you miss me or still care about me in some way then shouldnt it be me that you communicate with instead of my mother? I'm perfectly aware that you value her opinion i'm also aware that there is normal time for everyone else and then there is Joe time, but with all due respect. Speed the hell up! Yes I think that you are a jerk who handled this whole situation in the worst possible way, but its not something that we cant work through. Call, take the griping you deserve like a man, tell me you still love me and lets move on! Dear Dad, You are a dick, sometimes I find it hard to believe that you actually created me. You havent talked to me since christmas and yet when i answer the phone you simply ask where my mother is? She is your ex-wife whereas I am your firstborn child and only daughter, maybe i'm selfish but I would think that you would have a little more concern. I'm tired of you ignoring me throughout my life but when something big happens and I accomplish something you always manage to show up and take the parental credit. And whats more, how dare you try to claim me on your taxes??!!! how can you sit there and act like you contribute anything towards me, you pay your $100 a month and thats all great but you dont even begin to fathom supporting me enough to claim me on taxes. One day you will wake up and realize that you missed out on everything, and I'll patiently wait on that phone call to laugh in your face. You are my father and you gave me life, i love you, but i couldnt muster an ounce of respect for you if my life depended on it. Dear Uterus, You suck as well. You know that I have every intention of having sex this week, yet you decide to start in with your cramping now? where were you last week when I wasnt getting any? damn you, i'm ripping you out the first chance I get. Dear Libido, Please stop raging. I realize its been a week or so and I'm working on it, but you putting sexual thoughts into my head ever two seconds isnt helping any I promise. If you want to get laid please talk to your friend the uterus. Dear Hormones, Please inform me of what has you sending me into nesting mode at 90 miles an hour so that I can rip it out and suck the life out of it. Please realize that I do not need nor want a child right now, so stop looking at merak like that! yes he is cute but damnit he cries too and shits and all this other great stuff. Besides, we have enough trouble trying to maintain a relationship with Joe without complicating things. Dear Body, I apologize for staying out until 6 a.m. 3 nights last week and not giving you the sleep you deserve. And I apologize for forcing you to go dancing 2-3 nights a week even when your poor feet are killing you. I'll try and do better but please stop torturing me with tiredness and sore feet. Dear Spring Break, I love you. You give me a week to relax and catch up on my sleep during the day, thus giving me energy to go dancing by night. All the while giving me time to procrastinate my psychology paper. You are the greatest thing ever invented. Sincerely, Me Written on 2005-03-15 @ 11:49 p.m. |