|
Current Archives Private Misc. Contact Extra's Comment |
I kind of felt bad about giving delivery man (see bottom of entry) my number Wednsday afternoon. After almost 9 months of dating Joe it seemed kind of awful of me to be giving someone my number within 48 hours.
But after a little more thought I decided that it wasnt such a bad thing. He did say that he wanted to "just date" for a while until things calm down. So why shouldnt I do exactly what he said to do? I only have 1 week left in this town, I might as well enjoy it. Its not like I'm on the search for a new relationship... So out I went with delivery man. A cute little chinese restraunt and then riding around. We looked for a place to go play miniature golf but naturally I live in a town where everything shuts down at 9. It was kind of nice going out with him, but also kind of awkward. Conversation came easily enough, but it was more or less one of those dates where your talking about one thing and trying to come up with the next one at the same time so as to avoid one of those "what the hell am i doing here" moments of awkard silence. Then we came home and sat on the couch to watch t.v. for a while. He was really sweet and cuddly. He played with my hair and kissed my forhead and rubbed my feet... And while it was nice, I spent the entire time thinking. Man this just doesnt feel the same, or even "right" for that matter. A few hours of that and he finally left around 2 a.m. a goodbye which consisted of me hugging him like 3 times just so that i could avoid the whole kissing thing. Because even though I could sense that it was what he was waiting for, i just wasnt feeling that vibe in the least. I dont know why but I always go for the jerks. I just cant date these sensitive sweet guys. My entire track record with men consists of trying to date the sweet guys and getting overly tired of them within a few weeks. They are almost "too" sensitive and sweet. And all of the assholes that I end up dating I fawn all over. I like being with guys who have an attitude to an extent. It keeps me on my toes always trying to come up with quick witted comebacks and jokes. And then when they have their rare moments of sweetness its amazing. You relish in the moment when they are cuddling with you or they say something sweet. But its perfect because it never lasts too long, before you know it your back to your fun argumentative ways. And I love that, it makes you appreciate the moments of sweetness so much more when they dont come every second. Even though me and Joe are still going to be dating it will be nice to have that independence. I can go out with friends anytime that I want without having to call him or anybody else and make sure that its alright, i can stay out as late as i want without having anybody worry or wonder where I am. I really think it will do me good to be out on my own and independent for a while. no parents no boyfriend just me (and the kitten that i'm buying next weekend). And then when things calm down for Joe and we decide to get back into the "serious relationship" groove it will be nice and refreshed because we both had a few months to kind of step back from it all. I think things will get back to normal with us sometime around October. I know that he goes to Waco in the end of this month for the entire month of september. So i kind of think thats part of the reason we split up for a while. Because he realizes how unfair he's being and also realizes that theres no way its going to change right now. But when he gets back from Waco in October, his dad will have been released from the doctor and able to do stuff again, and Joe's job will have calmed down a great deal. So i'm just going to enjoy these next few months of freedom and have fun. I think it will be good for me and him both. Written on 2004-07-30 @ 12:59 p.m. |