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Afternoon glories, I hope everyone's day has gone good, I've actually had a really good day. Of course the biggest news of my week is that Joe is coming! He's coming down Friday afternoon/evening and we are going to go look at christmas lights in Marshall. I think he's staying the night at least Friday night and hopefully he'll stay saturday night too but I'm not too sure. He tried to call and talk to me last night and accidentally talked to my mom and told her that "I didnt realize I was going to miss her as much as I do, I cant seem to get her off my mind and when I thought about her yesterday I got really sad when I realized that a weekend was going to go by that I wasnt going to be able to see her so I decided that if ya'll werent coming up here I was comin down there." my god those were the sweetest words I never ever thought I'd hear come out of that man's mouth. So I'll probably get him to stay at least Friday night, hopefully with a little sweet talking and batting of these long eyelashes I can get the whole weekend out of him. In other news, I found some new friends that are awesome to hang out with. They are adults but they are some of the coolest people I've ever met. They remind me a lot of my ex-stepbrother whom I used to be extremely close to. They are the kind of people that I can talk to and get an adult 3rd party perspective without being judged or getting in trouble, they just listen and offer advice and half the time they dont even bother to offer advice they just lend an ear and hear me. It's so nice to feel like I'm finally being heard. I spent 8 hours over there last night and it seemed like the conversation never stopped, it was really an awesome feeling. I also found out about some job openings at my moms office. I can go be a teacher to kids 3-5 years old that are poverty level. I just need a high school diploma, or at the last an associates degree. So that takes a lot of the college pressure off of me, and I'll start out at 35,000 a year and get a 10% raise each year as well as getting teacher retirement and summers off. It really feels like something I could do. I've always wanted to make a difference, and this way I'm teaching these kids that otherwise might never learn some of this stuff and there will probably be a lot of times that I'm the only adult that cares enough to spend time with them. So it seems like it would be a job that I could finally feel like I had a purpose and meant something to somebody. All I've ever wanted to do is make a difference and maybe this is the way to do it. It seems like so much is seeming to go right for me. I finally got Joe after 2 years of waiting/chasing, I've found these great new people to hang out with that I love being around, I'm going to be a big sister in 5 months and I've found something that I could really see myself doing for the rest of my life. This is usually the point that everything blows up in my face and I find myself plumbeting from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the deepest pit ever. I've been here too many times and every time I'm scared to death I'll end up hurt. I've been hurt so much that it's almost like I dont believe that I deserve anything better and I dont expect it so this is all new and really scary for me. I just hope that it's finally my turn to have something go right and be happy for once, I'm tired of watching everyone else get what they've always wanted even if they dont deserve it. So I'm crossing my fingers that this feeling lasts for a long time. ~Ann-Marie~ << ~ >> Written on 2003-12-03 @ 3:48 p.m.

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