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Last night I got the bright idea that even though bam is on my mind some of the time (which I'm proud to report has been a little less these past few days) it doesnt mean that I have to keep all of the things that remind me of him out so that I'm reminded on a daily basis. So I got up and picked up every sign of him, (the key chain, the picture, the shirt, the model-car, the hat etc.) and when I was done it was almost depressing.
It's odd and sort of surreal to sit there and look at all of these things bunched together... and they all fit in this one shoebox. A year of my life, love, heart, everything all sitting in this box as if they didnt mean anything at all. So I sat there for a while and thought about the past year. The things I've gone through, what I've learned, and how I got to where I am today. The conclusion that I came up with is that my past is just that, and while it was good it's nothing compared to what I have now and I wouldnt give up my new relationship for anything in the world. I was listening to a cd I havent heard in a long time while I was doing all of these and almost right on cue a new song came on which completely explained my thoughts on the whole situation. yeah he's the one, the one i told you all about, yeah it was serious, but it was long ago. he just might come over here, and give me a hug for old times, but dont you worry dear, 'cuz old times next to you could never come close. I'll take today over yesterday anyday, i'll take lying in your arms tonight over and above and love i've known, memories may find me but they'll always be behind me. I'll take today over yesterday anyday. After listening to that and crying a little more I closed the lid on the box and put it up in the top of my closet. I'll never forget him and he will always be a part of my life and in my thoughts. But I think I've overcome a major hurdle I never expected to have to jump. There was a time when I thought that damaged goods theory. But now I realize that everyone has a past, we learn and grow from it and we move on. And when you get involved with someone you take them as well as accepting the past and baggage they come with. We can never expect to fully let go of the past, we can only put it in a box and on a top shelf somewhere and move on the best way we know how. Written on 2004-01-15 @ 10:50 a.m. |