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Hey everyone, just wanted to send off an update before I went home b/c last I heard the internet was down.
Joe was supposed to come and spend the night Friday night but he ended up calling and asking if I would mind coming down there Saturday and going out with him because apparently a few things came up that he was going to have to deal with. So I spent Friday night riding around and hanging out at a friends house for a little while. Saturday I drove to Diboll and hung out with everyone for a while until Joe got all of his stuff done. He finally picked me up about 7:30, (note: Seeing as how he was "supposed" to get done and pick me up by 4 or 5 at the latest I hadnt had anything to eat, so by the time he finally did get ready to pick me up I think my stomach was about to eat itself.) and we went and ate dinner at a local diner, then back to his house to watch American Pie. It was nice, the first time I'd ever actually been inside his house. I'd been outside once or twice but that doesnt count. So it was nice to be able to sit and cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, he held my hand all night and all of that good stuff. After the movie ended and he turned off the t.v. we laid there in the dark cuddling for a while and kissing, which was really nice. So we laid there kissing for almost an hour and I got the bright idea that maybe we could have sex. I mean hey, we've been dating 3 months, we both care about eachother... why not? so I lean back to seductively say "take me to bed" and instead "I love you" pops out. It was one of those you didnt mean to say it and when you do you almost cant believe you just did it... It was truly one of those "rewind" moments. It didnt seem to shock him much or anything, he just kind of smiled, rubbed my leg and kissed me again. He took me home pretty soon after that so that he could hang out with his roomate for a while who had just gotten home from out of town. So naturally I worried all night long and all afternoon today about it. I have this uncanny nack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and completely screwing everything up. So of course I was terrified that I'd scared him and that he was going to leave. So I hung around for a while this afternoon enjoying the day and watching all the guys hang some ceiling in the new apartment. He finally did show up about 2 and didnt talk to me a whole lot, but I guess that I understandable. After they finished he did take me riding around and gave me a christmas card of the two of us that she'd had made. We came back here and sat on the couch for a while talking about a few things, and I gingerly brought up the freudian-slip from last night. I told him about my nack for screw ups and conveyed a few of my fears about everything to him and let him know that I was afraid that I'd scared him or freaked him out and screwed things up for us and that was the last thing I wanted etc. etc. etc. He assured me that I had not scared him, freaked him out or screwed anything up in any way. Then he mentioned the being yourself issue and talked about how he wanted me to be myself and not what I thought that he wanted me to be etc. (this did sort of bother me but it wasnt the first time I'd heard he said it, it was just nice that this time he expressed it to me and not susie) I told him that I didnt think I put on a front for him and that he was really one of the few people that I felt like I could be myself with. He smiled and kissed me on the forhead and that was pretty much the end of the subject. So no "i love you" from him but at least he knows how i feel (as if he didnt know before anyway) and it didnt freak him out too bad. so all in all the weekend was good, and now I'm going to go home, take a logn hot bath and get some rest. Written on 2004-01-24 @ 6:15 p.m. |