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Thanks to everyone for the support from the rebutle from last nights entry.
Last night was somewhat better than the day, I went over to Tonya & Beth's and hung out for a little while which was nice and then I came home and Bam called to talk to me. So I went through a little of the drama with him. He is in Houston turning in all of his stuff from the army. So apparently last night was going to be the last night that we could talk since he refuses to call me from his other number because he's afraid that I will get mad and call her and ruin things for them or something. I could never actually do that though, that is their relationship and their problems to deal with. I'm no longer involved in the whole triangle (not by choice anyway,) so I dont feel like it's my place to ruin what he does have going. We did talk about a lot of things and so I guess it was good in a way. He apologized for ever getting involved with me and huting me etc. and I let him know what it was alright and I wasnt mad at him. I told him how I really felt and for the first time he truly listened and heard.I mainly let him know that I would always care for him and that he would always be a part of me. And that if given the chance I would go back and do it all over again because there isnt a moment of it that I regret, and that even though there was pain and tears, there was also happiness and a whole lot of growing up in the past year. And that from him I will be left with the memories... memories of a time when I was happy with him, memories of a time when I was young and didn't care what the world thought because I liked him. And for that I thank him... He choked up, I cried, and we both let go. So I guess thats it... As quickly and easily as it all began in November 2002 it ended last night. No more phone calls asking eachother if they regret their decision, no more wondering what might have been. It's time to stop thinking about the what if's and concentrate on the what now. I'm with Joe and couldnt be happier, and he's with her and needs to work on their relationship and make it work, and they can both be happy. It's nice to finally have the closure thats been long overdue, maybe now I can get over him, or not so much get over him but moreso get over the memory of us. I'm happy, for once in my life I can honestly say that I'm happy with myself and the direction my life seems to be heading. And for once I dont feel bad or guilty for being happy, I deserve it. Written on 2004-02-03 @ 10:08 a.m. |